Although you’re unlikely to see the latest vibrator, dildo, or cock ring listed on any of the big mainstream holiday buying guides out there, they can make excellent holiday gifts for the right person. But figuring out whether a sex toy is an appropriate gift in the first place is only part of the equation.

There’s a fine art to shopping for, choosing, and giving the toy to ensure an experience you’ll both treasure for the intimacy-building act that it is. Here’s a closer look at everything you need to know to make a wise decision about how, when, and to whom to give an adult toy as a holiday gift.

Know when a toy is (and isn’t) a good idea

Although more people are sex-positive, open about sex, and into using toys than ever, there are still certain situations where a sex toy just isn’t an appropriate gift. So before considering that option further, make sure you can answer yes to all the following questions.

• Are the two of you currently sexually involved?
• Have you already used sex toys together or at least talked about it?
• Are you 100 sure this person would be comfortable being gifted a sex toy?
• Do you have a decent working idea of this person’s bedroom likes and dislikes?

Get a read on what they’d like to try

If you’ve never used a sex toy with this particular person, it’s important to talk about using toys together before you gift them one. As nice as it can be to receive a sex toy as a gift, getting one shouldn’t feel like something that’s coming completely out of left field.

Sex toy use between couples should always be discussed and enthusiastically agreed to before any gift-giving happens. Get a read on what your partner likes, feels comfortable with, and would be interested in trying with you. If you’re not certain they’d be thrilled to receive a toy as a gift, don’t go there.

Choose a good option

Let’s say you’re sure your partner would be in heaven if they opened a holiday gift from you and found a sex toy inside. Now it’s time to choose an option you’ll both be happy with. Here’s how to make a wise decision that shows you have excellent taste in adult toys.

Consider material

It should go without saying that it’s crucial to choose a toy that’s non-toxic, body-safe, hypoallergenic, and safe in every way. But you’ll also want to consider what you know about your recipient to make a pick that will be appropriate for their needs.

Do they prefer low-maintenance toys that are easy to clean and care for? It’s hard to go wrong with something made of ultra-premium silicone. Are they interested in temperature play? Look at options made of materials like glass or steel that lend themselves well to that. You get the picture.

When in doubt, play it safe

Unless you happen to know for a fact that your partner really, really wants to get it on with a monster 14-inch dildo or a rabbit vibe made for triple-penetration, it’s best to be moderate when considering size or functionality.

If you’re not sure, stick to options that are versatile and likely to appeal to just about anyone. Think moderately sized picks that are functional without occupying a space that’s too far outside the box.

Personalize your pick

Sex toys are like a lot of great gift options in that your choice can be a great way to show you really know someone well. For example, is your partner crazy about the color teal? Get them a toy in that color and watch their eyes light up.

You can also include a well-chosen toy as part of an entire gift ensemble. Don’t be afraid to be original, thoughtful, and unique. This is your chance to show you really listen to your giftee when they tell you about themselves.

Time things appropriately

Keep in mind that no one wants to open a gift that contains a dildo or a vibrator in front of their entire family during a group gift exchange, so it should go without saying that that’s not the right time.

Instead, get them something else to open in front of the family and gift them the toy in private later on. You’ll both enjoy the moment more when you can talk freely about it together.

Ultimately, a sex toy can be one of the most thoughtful, beloved gifts a person receives over the holidays. But it’s not something that’s right for everyone or on every occasion, so use discretion when determining when and for whom to do this for.

If there’s any doubt that this holiday season is the right time to explore this as an option, keep in mind that there’s always your anniversary, their birthday, or next year instead. This is the type of thing where it’s worth waiting for just the right moment.